A Guide to Speak Dating Like Generation Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Terms for Love, Sex and Bad Behaviour

This period marks a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {