Courage, soldier. England's side might be heading into the next Ashes Test now 2-0 down, but not everyone within the England setup is disheartened. Exists one group tailor-made for this scenario, a unwavering unit who consider themselves the supreme doomsday preppers. Is optimism crushed? Are you crushed beneath the burden of crushing defeat? In that case, join the Barmy Army.
Even now, their early arrivals are moving in on Adelaide, the city where they first came together 30 years ago. England's iconic – and per capita most vocal – travelling fans will be dreaming of an anniversary win-against-the-odds, like the one they saw on that mid-90s tour. Furthermore whatever happens on the pitch, off it the celebrations will be protracted and hearty.
"England's performance been very, very disappointing," he admits, "yet we're the fortunate few, because we're on holiday. It's perhaps harder for the people at home."
Even a dramatic batting collapse fails to deter this group of battle-tested followers. They've been watching England's innings meltdowns since before a new generation took the field. They've witnessed more fielding errors than star players have international dismissals. Their touring history as an Ashes away contingent stands at: contested many, lost often, won seldom. If anyone knows how to endure a whitewash, that would be the long-standing fans.
Without a doubt, on television, the Barmy Army do seem to be everywhere during this Ashes. Australian cameras at the grounds frequently appear keener to feature the Barmies than in their own fans. TV partners regularly use them as entertainment-focused prelude to a day's play. Remarkably the athletes on the field give them a wave, with someone clad as a monarch leading a rendition of a national hymn.
It's possible that the Barmy Army's dual effect of longevity and omnipresence has now obscured quite how stunning their rise of tourist following has been. Thirty years in the past a small group followers were united in comical self-deprecation at England's woeful away record. Today their legacy is so synonymous with the national team that their vibrant, "unconventional" crowd is practically part of the furniture. They've certainly come a great distance since the humble beginnings.
One founding member recalls the buoyant hope of the first Test of that formative tour. After the hosts making a strong start, he started a modest conga in the stands, provoking the Australian supporters with a chant about historical figures. "The Aussie fans jeered at us, then threw drink containers – the treatment that we still get today," he remembers. "But when we got back our modest following of England followers had all joined in."
After a loss, England's tour faced further difficulties. Those following the team around the country must have been slightly mad. As the tour reached the bigger venues their crowd had swelled substantially. The players, however, came to value their presence at the grounds. When England pulled off a face-saving victory, a senior player invited a Barmy Army figure up to the players' area to lead the festivities. Such camaraderie persists.
Furthermore, the significant volume the Barmy Army can muster are as appealing to the sport as they are to overseas venues. At this Ashes alone, their official tours will bring thousands of paying travellers. All kinds of events are planned for the 30th anniversary.
This is, ultimately, an entity born of love for the game and commercial nous. The explanation they date themselves to a Adelaide game is because that was when they started selling merchandise. The short initial run was so instantly popular – and lucrative – that it sparked a lasting enterprise. Since then, the co-founders have helped turn a group of mates into an major tour operator.
That creates its own complexities, particularly at a time when sport is trying to lose some of its rowdy image. The Barmy Army's leadership are keen to point out that a significant portion of their clientele are now women. As times have changed, the chants have had to get more family-friendly, too. "Things that were common 30 years ago you cannot utter today, and that's correct," says a representative. "We can't tell someone how to behave individually, but we do not endorse songs that are insulting."
Will the Barmy Army mellow naturally? The demographic is now in their fifth decade – like the original members, who have been pleased to withdraw from the management. One founder is savouring this tour purely as a punter – leaving newer staff to populate the Barmy Army's digital presence. "We forget how challenging it used to be to organise with each other," he chuckles. "We used to do it all by word of mouth – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
As for the current contest, the unlikely scenario of a historic comeback persists, which is typical of their spirit indeed. Should England do lose in Adelaide … well, South Africa next Christmas looks nice.
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